Does this mean I want one?
Lets get a few things straight. I don’t particularly want to write this, but think it will be helpful in the process of getting over… this. So here I go trying to explain my life away…
Who I was Two Weeks Ago:
- Slightly stressed at my job, but generally excited about where we’re going and what we’re doing.
- Somewhat of a ‘career woman’- wanting to make a difference in my industry, and achieve some sort of recognition for it.
- Happy with our (read: Luke, Pepper and I) plan for the next few years.
- Excited about planning a holiday for the end of next year- Italy.
- Wanting to have a baby, but happy to wait for the year or so until we start.
- Feeling steady on my feet with God, House, Work, Life.
- Struggling with the fact that even though I want a baby, I don’t want to leave work (I know TECHNICALLY this doesn’t have to be, but for me, it does).
- Enjoying going off to the Goldy and what not without much of a bother/plan
Then my good friend Sarah called (I was her bridesmaid last year) and told me she was pregnant. And I was… jealous. I didn’t meant to be, and I didn’t want to be. Like I said above, I’m HAPPY with how things are- with our plans and our future and my work.
So what does this mean? Every time I read her facebook status about morning sickness, or being pregnant, or anything about it my head caves in, my chest pangs, and I remember that so many people I know are popping them out- people who got married at the same time, or before us. Does this mean that I WANT a tiny person to grow inside of me and then cause me unbelievable pain, all before they start to cry and poop and make me wake up before 7am?!
To top it off I’ve had the inevitable question asked “When’s it your turn?”, more then usual, which actually doesn’t help one bit, and makes me think that maybe our plan needs revising (though we all know that with Luke as my husband, if this time frame gets revised it is only going to go in one direction- further away).
So I’m writing this in the hopes that the ugly green monster will go away, now that I’ve showed the whole entire world who he his, and why he’s here. And I guess I should remember this feeling, because in two years time, when I am up the duff, someone else might be feeling this way about me…
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November 13th, 2009
I like how honest you are with your blogs Talia! I felt this exact way when you, Katie and Rachel were getting married. I thought ‘When is it going to be my turn?’ and had that overwhelming jealous feeling too.
Your turn to be a Mum is just getting closer each day and at least you get to see someone else go through it all and know what to expect.
I really think you’ll make a wonderful Mother when it’s Gods timing for you and Luke.